Jest so yer know, the ladies be havin’ a Spa Day. Yep. Relax and regroup. Look fer em back in yer faces in 2010. No trollin’ fer books either. Just takin’ requests and will probably limit how many they do per month fer now.

Losin’ Fanny were a mite hard on everyone. Replacements are few and far between, not that the likes o’ her can be replaced.  Editors interested in contributing to the review process here can email me at editors at cerebralreviews dot com. I’ll keep me mug shut about who ya are. Anonymity is the name o’ the game here! Even the ladies don’t know each other’s real names. I’m sneaky like that.

See ya in the New Year!

Studly

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A nice lady – well, I suppose you could call her me fag hag – sent me some wonderful emails on Sunday. She went to this big bash called Gay Day. Hosted by Ethan Day, the event takes place once an month on his Yahoo group. This past Sunday – according to me hag – they went all out with a live chatroom, a forum with photos of naked hot men having sex, and more awesome excerpts than you can imagine.

There I was sitting at me laptop, looking for porn and available twinks in my neighborhood, when my email is suddenly filled with the hottest excerpts from the hottest authors of gay ebooks around. There was our lovely host Ethan Day (oooh, Self Preservation… Alex… need I say more? Thought not.) And he brought along some friends. There was more cock sucking, ass fucking, fingers stroking, tongues licking, balls tightening, and lips mashing than a bath house on a Saturday night. Oh, it gives me the shivers.

Not only did you get a taste of the host’s books, but there were excerpts from AM Riley, Lynn Lorenz, Carol Lynne, Charlie Cochrane, Lex Valentine, Bryl Tyne, Jambrea Jo Jones, M. Jules Aedin, Amanda Young, Pat Brown… there was so much cock posted I probably either missed an author or two or added someone in that wasn’t there. Who cares! IT WAS HOT! What a Sunday!

Now, if only I could figure out a way to sign up for that group and stay incognito so I can read all the homo fun first hand. Do ya think they’d let in a homo computer nerd from a review site?

You can find all the fun on the last Sunday of the month at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EthanDay/

I wonder what they do there the rest of the month?

Studly

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Fanny has decided to leave Cerebral Reviews. She wishes everyone well.

CR Team

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Midnight Seductions

Author: Patti Shenberger

Publisher: eXtasy Books

Release date: 08/15/09

83 pages

Contemporary romance

Buy link

Reviewed by: Fanny Hill

Author’s blurb:

Late night Mistress of Love, Isabella Markum, has it all. A fantastic job, a gorgeous condo, and lots of close friends. But what she really wants is a chance at love. When bad boy biker, Max Montgomery, shows up unexpectedly back in town, Isabella is ready to throw caution to the wind in order to get him into her bed. 

This will mean exposing all her dirty little secrets, the biggest one being she is still a virgin. One look at Max convinces her he is worth the chance. And if the rumors are true, this hunk really knows how to satisfy a woman.

Review:

Midnight Seductions is an easy read—no frills. Chapter One introduces Isabella at work. She’s a DJ and takes calls, giving advice to people on sexual/relationship matters. She comes across as sexy and all-knowing, and it was refreshing to see that yes, she seems to know what she’s talking about, but she’s a little lonely in the relationship department herself. I found that contrast endearing, and I liked her more once that came into play. A woman doing her job well, playing a role, yet she goes home alone.

On her birthday, she goes out to celebrate with her friends. She meets a guy, has an instant chemistry. Yes, it’s a tried-and-tested romance formula and we know she’s going to end up with him, but I wanted to read on to see how that occurred. So, what I’m saying is the plot device didn’t stop me wanting to follow Isabella’s journey.

At that point.

However, she gets in her car to head home…and it won’t start. Max comes along and offers her a ride home on his motorbike. This was the second tried-and-tested-seen-it-too-many-times-before romance plot method, so I’ll admit to rolling my eyes and wondering if Ms. Shenberger is a relatively new author. She may not be, but I have said what I felt at the time so a reader’s/editor’s perspective is given. It may help the author.

Their sexual tryst is just not on the cards as Max is called away at a crucial moment. Third overused plot device. Later, a fourth appears when Max sees a poster of Isabella and realizes who she is. I saw the final plot twist a mile off. I’ve read it before, seen it on TV and in movies. Yes, Max calls her show.

While there is nothing wrong with using plot methods like this—after all, romance tends to follow certain rules, I find—to have so many obvious ones in one book was disheartening.

A few gripes:

Cliches, things used often in most books I see nowadays. They are becoming trite, boring. I’m obviously saying this from an editor’s point of view where I see many books, all with the same phrases (among others that Midnight Seductions didn’t have).

1. “punctuated his words”

2. “like rich, decadent chocolate” (mainly ‘rich’ ‘chocolate’)

3. The car not starting

4. “Every fiber of her being”

Tell issues. An example:

“Isabella fought back a shiver and felt her nipples harden.” Show: “Isabella fought back a shiver, and her nipples hardened.”

Italic thoughts as well as thought tags. These drive me a little crazy. Example:

“How long has it been since I knew someone’s name in the restaurant, or someone knew mine? A damn long time, Max thought.” – we are in Max’s point of view, so we know he thought this due to the italic/1^st person signal.

Although Midnight Seductions has issues, it doesn’t mean it isn’t enjoyable. It is. It’s a cute story. It’s just unfortunate that I picked up on the above and it spoiled the read. The low storyline score is due to the plot devices. If only one had been present, it would have probably got a 5. It was nice to see decent punctuation edits, though!

Cover comment: Another one I disliked. It has no depth, no thought put into it. Just a picture and unpleasant font. So much more could have been done. Sorry.

Heat level:  (not added to final grade)

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 3

World-building, mood: 5

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 4

Final Grade:

Note: You may find the complete guide to the Cerebral Reviews Rating System on the FAQ page.

Tags: Cerebral Reviews, contemporary, eXtasy Books, Fanny Hill, Midnight Seductions, Patti Shenberger, Romance

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Divinitas

Author: Laura Tolomei

Publisher: eXtasy Books

Release date: Jan 1^st 2009

Novel

Gay, M/M, Lesbian, Menage, Paranormal, Deities, Historical, Dark Fantasy

Buy link

Reviewed by: Fanny Hill

Author’s blurb:

Through time and space, there’s a lot of love. But love gone wrong can turn to betrayal and seal one’s destiny forever. And destiny has the bad habit of repeating its pattern lifetime after lifetime as two men, caught in their passionate love, struggle eternally in quest of the divine. Thus, the battle rages on as the Spirit’s higher ambitions are defeated by the Flesh’s imperious desires and falls short of their finest achievement, the creation of Divinitas.

From the ancient walls of Egypt, Us-Yri’s sexual obsession for Set gets in the way of his destiny to ascend from ruler to god of the underworld. His Spirit will then embody as Mitra, Prince of the ancient Persian empire. He will continue on the same path, struggling against his lust for Vayu in order to become the new shiny god of rebirth, judging the souls of the deceased. But only Shaun and Halifax in Celtic England will finally reveal the truth about Divinitas.

Review:

Chapter one starts the book off to a great start—in my eyes—due to the literary bent. Lovely word usage pulled me in, and the ideas brought forth here are fascinating. Ms. Tolomei has a wonderful imagination, and she set the stage well. I enjoyed her style very much. She has a way of stringing words together that bring great images. World-building was excellent, as was being shown the characters’ traits so that I invested time caring about them and what happened.

For the story itself, I have no complaints. It’s rich, the sex scenes are good, and without the gripes below, it would have scored a 5. However, the editing let Ms. Tolomei down. Such a shame. Here are some instances:

1. Father not capped when it should be.

2. Palace capped when it shouldn’t be. I realize maybe the author wanted the palace named as such, but an actual name would have pleased me more, because every time a capped palace appeared, I wanted it lowercase. Pet peeve, call it what you like, but it spoiled the read for me.

3. Likewise, prince was capped when it shouldn’t have been. These three points occurring throughout the book was a recipe for much jaw clenching and sighing from me. This, again, is a shame, because Divinitas deserved a much better edit to make it shine brighter.

4. 111 uses of ‘when’ (inc whenever). Too many are sentence starters, and this overuse of adverbs also annoyed me. The majority of the rest are used to join actions, and with a reword they could have been omitted, giving stronger visuals.

I do understand a writer’s journey, an editor’s journey, that both learn new things along the way, so I hope Ms. Tolomei can take my findings and erase them from her next books—because they really do need erasing!

Cover comment: I dislike it. The colours and font are…not very appealing. Sorry.

Heat level:  (Bonfire not added to final grade)

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 5

World-building, mood: 5

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 2

Final Grade:

Note: You may find the complete guide to the Cerebral Reviews Rating System on the FAQ page.

Tags: Cerebral Reviews, Dark Fantasy, Deities, eXtasy Books, Fanny Hill, gay, Historical, Laura Tolomei, Lesbian, m/m, Menage, paranormal

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Kiss and Spell

Author: Kris Eton

Publisher: Noble Romance Publishing

Release date: 2009

87 pages

Erotic, paranormal

Buy link

Reviewed by: Fanny Hill

Author’s blurb:

Marissa Glenn is a witch with one amazing power. She can make men fall in love with just a kiss. But Marissa sees her magical gift as a curse. After years of using men merely for sexual fulfillment, she wants a man to call her own. A challenge from a rival witch is just the motivation she needs to fall in love for real this time.

Months after his fiancee cheated on him, Justin Heller still nurses a broken heart. When bar regular Marissa puts her moves on him, he thinks she’s nothing but trouble. He knows her M.O., a different man every night, and he’s not interested in being one more conquest.

Marissa is determined to convince Justin she’s more than just a pretty face. But who knew falling in love without any magic would be this hard?

Review:

I liked the plot, which deals with witches and old spells, magic and the modern world. I loved the idea that Marissa was able to have sex with anyone she chose…and those men didn’t remember it the next day. A nymphomaniac’s dream! It saved the accumulation of those men gossiping to one another and branding her a bit of a…rude girl. However, it didn’t stop men she hadn’t been with seeing her walk off with a different man every night, and the man Marissa liked above all others, Justin, thought she was indeed one of those rude girls.

Marissa struggles with the curse’s burden but wants nothing more than to love just one man. When the chance presents itself for her to be free of the curse, she takes it. The problem is, she isn’t allowed to kiss any man for the duration of a week. Plus, she has to get Justin to fall in love with her without using magic.

I really did like the plot. However, while reading, I struggled with how I was going to explain my other feelings regarding Kiss and Spell without sounding negative. I’ll explain as best I can.

I enjoy books with a little depth. I like reading between the lines. I love discovering the idiosyncrasies of the characters by their actions and mannerisms for myself. A well-placed, well-crafted line can imply so much. However, with Kiss and Spell, I felt everything on the page was spelled out for me, ‘told’ in many respects. This isn’t a negative for some, but it was for me. I thought about what wasn’t working for a while after reading and came to the conclusion there wasn’t a unique voice that stood out. Kiss and Spell read, to me, like an easy read, no frills tale. This is great for those who just want to read something without having to think or imagine anything, but sadly, I searched throughout the book for something that didn’t exist.

Now, I’m not saying Kiss and Spell isn’t any good. It is. After all, I finished it and enjoyed the premise, but…it lacked that certain ‘something’ that makes me sit up and take notice. I did wonder if I read it all just to search for that ‘something’—even just one line that stood out above all others.

I’m in a good mood today, so I can’t blame my findings on the grumps, but I feel a little jaded writing this because I don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time don’t want to lie. The plot worked, the style/tell didn’t. With a little more work, this book could have really shone.

There are patches of tell that could have fared better as show. A couple of examples:

“There was a popping noise.”

“There was a poof of smoke.”

I would be interested to read another of Ms. Eton’s books because I’m fully aware that an incredible writer can write a book that just doesn’t hit the mark. The kind that makes me ask my authors: Where’s your voice in this one? What happened?

While the editing was very nearly spot on with puncs and grammar (but with shedding the ‘tell’ it wasn’t), I did spy a couple of things:

1. ‘mother’ isn’t capped when it should be.
2. A cliché: “…like an open book.”
3. “…and Marissa stood up…” Up really needed? (Yes, picky but annoying.)
4.  ‘when’ used 79 times (overuse, in my opinion).
5. commas used before the co-ordinating conjunction ‘but’ when the clauses either side of it are related.
6. An image backtrack:

“…wrapped one arm around her waist and tugged her above the surface. She sputtered, water exploding out of her mouth.

“Are you all right?” Justin treaded water, making sure he had a tight grip on her.

The minute her head was above water, she flailed and twisted. She gasped to catch her breath.”

For me, the line starting ‘The minute’ would have been better placed after ‘water exploding out of her mouth’ because the use of ‘The minute’ and what transpired the minute she came above water has been lost due to Justin asking her if she was all right in between images.

Cover comment: Bree Bridges created a lovely cover that caught my attention immediately. Excellent work.

Heat level:  (Not added to final grade.)

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 4

World-building, mood: 4

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 3

Final Grade:

Note: You may find the complete guide to the Cerebral Reviews Rating System on the FAQ page.

Tags: Cerebral Reviews, erotic, Fanny Hill, Kiss and Spell, Kris Eton, Noble Publishing, paranormal

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The Ninth Curse

Author: K.J. Gillenwater

Release Date: April 2009

181 pages, ebook

Paranormal romance/romantic suspense

Buy Link

Reviewed by: Mr. Rochester

Author’s blurb: His blood for a cure. It’s a cruel and deadly bargain…

Nine curses. Nine weeks to live. Joel Hatcher has inherited more than a family legacy. It’s a time bomb that’s ticking down to the inevitable: his own death. But the curse won’t die with him. Unless he can find a way to break the cycle, his younger brother becomes the next victim.

In the throes of the third curse, the Painful Pox, Joel makes a last-ditch decision to seek the help of a young spiritualist.

One look into Joel’s suffering eyes, and “Madame Eugenie” finds herself torn between doing the right thing and fulfilling her most secret wish—bring her husband Adam back from the dead. Joel’s cursed blood is the missing ingredient in her resurrection rituals, and Adam’s spirit whispers seductively that there’s only one way to get it: steal it.

As Gen and Joel unearth his family’s past to track down a cure, they come closer to each other, and to a horrible truth. To live, Joel must lose everything. Up to and including the woman he has grown to love.

Review:

Joel Hatcher has a problem: he’s suddenly cursed. Not one curse, but a really big one that incorporates nine curses. The poor jerk got a bundle package. He enlists the aid of professional spiritualist, Gen, to remove his curse. But Gen has a big secret to hide: a dead-slash-undead husband. Uh-oh.

I applaud the author for capturing the poignant emotion in this novel. I felt such sympathy for the hero, who suffered terribly, and I sympathized with Gen, the heroine, and her dilemma of whether to let her deceased spouse control her and bring him back from the dead or to follow her heart. The world-building—in this case the paranormal aspect—is done well and seems to be well researched too. There’s information about the Romani, spells, herbs, plant life, and even some insight into bringing back the dead (whether or not accurate in the realm of spellcasting, I don’t know, but it sure was interesting) that is interwoven with the plot. I also loved the historical aspect of this novel. The scenes were vivid, and I especially relished the ones where Adam appeared. Man, what a creepy dude!

The characterization is detailed, and I enjoyed getting to know the cast of characters right down to the old woman who seemed to be losing her mind to the B & B hostess who was a bit of a busybody.

And the cat, Bluto, adds a nice, whimsical touch to the story.

The cons of this novel? Well, keep in mind that this is just one reviewer’s opinion, but I felt the sudden pov switches into Matthew’s pov (Joel’s younger brother) and even one into Adam’s, the deceased husband’s, over halfway through the novel weren’t needed. Except for those two or three places, the entire ebook is tightly in Joel’s and Gen’s, switching back and forth at appropriate times. When I see this done in novels it irritates me; it strikes me as a cop-out of sorts, an easier method for the author to show what’s going on. I really felt it should’ve been kept in the main two povs that were initially established in the novel.

The other con was the long stretches of research. My eyes glazed over a little bit during the library research scenes, the combing through of newspapers and scrolling through computer records. Nothing really happened in these scenes other than research. Such info could’ve been condensed, in my opinion, but if this had been done, the novel would be closer to novella length. Another reader might have enjoyed these scenes, but I found them slow and I wished to page ahead to get to the good stuff.

As for the editing, I noticed about half a dozen errors in this novel, which is exceptional for an ebook publisher. Most of the errors were consistency issues such as using the em dash to signify action that breaks up dialogue then using the original comma style toward the end of the book. There were a couple of punctuation glitches that were so minor I can’t remember what they were now.

Overall, this is a good read, and I’ll be watching for more of this author’s titles.

Cover Comment: Although the cover is beautiful, I don’t see the romance or the paranormal properly conveyed in this particular cover.

Heat Level: (not added to final grade)

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 5

World-building, mood: 5

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 5

Final Grade:

Note: You may find the complete guide to the Cerebral Reviews Rating System on the FAQ page.

Tags: Cerebral Reviews, K.J. Gillenwater, Mr Rochester, Samhain Publishing, The Ninth Curse

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Surrender in Moonlight

Author: Stella and Audra Price

Publisher: Total e-Bound

Release date: June 2009

Length: Novella

Genre: erotic paranormal romance, shape-shifter, weresnakes

Buy Link

Reviewed by: Lolita

Author’s Blurb:

The plan was to steal his bike and ride outta town. She didn’t count of him stealing her freedom, or her heart.

Reece Evans, the nest bad boy and only male Anaconda in the NY nest, is NOT looking for a mate, but he is looking for a wild ride. When he goes to Dry Ice one night, he meets Carmen – a viper and a rogue – and the attraction is beyond hot.

When she steals his motorcycle from under his nose and then calls him to bail her out, Reece sees his opportunity for a very satisfying tryst still within his grasp. He agrees, on the condition that she stays with him a month, and becomes his sexy plaything.

Little does he know he’s sealed his fate, Carmen is exactly the snake he never knew he couldn’t live without.

Reader Advisory: This book contains scenes of masturbation.

Review Warning: If you are squeamish about snakes, please stop here. Also, there are some slight spoilers because of my discussion on plot and world-building. If this bothers you, do not read any further.

Review:

Having read the first weresnake book, I knew what to expect with this second one. Or rather, I thought I did. However, I was shocked to find that the heroine of the story was a poisonous snake, a pit viper. I wondered how the authors would incorporate that into their world-building. In the first book, Beyond the Vision of Dreams, Reece Evans is an asshole. I am sorry, Dear Reader, but it is the truth. In this book, Reece’s own story, he is far from being an asshole. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the authors have made him into a much better hero than the likable Remy from the first book.

Who doesn’t love a bad boy? Especially when it is a bad boy who is smart and resourceful. Reece blackmails our heroine, Carmen, into staying with him for some sexual fun. Since Carmen has already stolen his motorcycle and been tossed into the slammer for it by this point in the book, readers will recognize that both Reece and Carmen have a decidedly wild streak in them. I wondered how the authors would redeem them because remember, Reece has already shown himself to be an asshole and Carmen is now seen to be a thief. Quite an unlikely pair for a hero and heroine.

The authors turn the bad hero and heroine into lovable characters that you find yourself rooting for at the end. From the moment we meet Carmen, we get the distinct impression that her toughness hides vulnerability. With Reece, you feel that his asshole personality is simply because he is alone. He doesn’t really connect to anyone but his cousin Remy, and it is in his exchanges with Remy that we see Reece’s depth.

The first true sign of our hero and heroine becoming such is when Carmen realizes that she would like to settle down and have a home like Reece’s. Already she’s become attached to him and when she thinks about leaving him and finding some other nest who might take her in because she’s looking for a mate, she cries. This happens in the presence of Reece who is in snake form, sunning himself on the deck. Carmen reveals all this because she doesn’t realize that Reece stays sentient in snake form. All the while she is talking to herself, Reece is listening.

Once the authors reveal the vulnerable sides of our main characters, the real fun begins. Carmen makes plans to leave and find a mate. Reece makes plans to make Carmen his mate. Although urged to tell Reece what kind of snake she is, Carmen’s fear of rejection keeps her silent. (Apparently, poisonous snakes are not really nest-worthy.) When Reece mates her, he admits to having heard her talking out loud when he was in snake form. The fact that Reece knows her secrets flips Carmen out, and she tries to leave so she can think things through. Reece grabs her, and defensively, without thinking, Carmen strikes him.

You have to love good world-building. The authors incorporate the poisonous snake part into the story very skillfully. You’re aghast that she bit him. You wonder how it will affect him. You fear what will happen to her and to their relationship. Oh, yes. They are very skillful indeed.

In the end, the authors deliver in true romantic fashion. Reece goes after his woman, who really couldn’t leave him but instead holed up in a hotel crying. The reunion scene will make you break out the hankies. Carmen is so very heartbroken. Reece is so very Alpha, determined to get his woman back. It’s a match made in snake heaven.

I really couldn’t fault the authors in their plot or dialog. They spin a wonderful tale here. Much better than the first book. It may feel rather rushed to some readers because of the length (there is only so much one can do within the constraints of a novella-length manuscript), but it’s very much smoothed over by the fact that this is a shifter story. Shifter stories are typically shorter than most because shifters tend to find their mates rather quickly. The thing about paranormal works is that an author can put their characters together and achieve the HEA much quicker because of the plot devices afforded them by the genre.

The characterization in this story goes hand-in-hand with the plot. While it may be somewhat cliche to have a hero and heroine who are bad but have hearts of gold and redeeming qualities, it is still an appealing storyline to readers. Many flock to buy books about the bad guy who turns good. It’s a beloved basic plotline of most romance readers.

On the world-building front, the sisters Price are quite skillful as I said in my first review of their work. They suck you into the nest faster than a pit viper can strike. The world of weresnakes is incorporated blatantly and subtly by the authors. The mix is masterful. A reader feels like they know what this world is about without even trying. (Note: While the books can be read as standalones, the world is so much richer if you read both books despite the issues with the first one.)

Now, we reach the overall structure of the book. There were still some issues. Most, IMO, were of the typo variety. I saw a very distinct growth between the first book and this one. No real standouts with regard to errors. Yes, some comma issues. Yes, a few sentence structure issues. (Rather like the one in the author’s blurb.) Overall, though, I was delighted to find this a much cleaner book than the first one. If the authors had crutches, I didn’t really notice them, and that is probably a testament to their ability to create a world and weave a story that sucks the reader in. In point of fact, I didn’t bother to go back and blatantly look for crutches because I just didn’t want to spoil the story for myself.

Moving on to the math, I find that rounding up has the benefit of giving the Price sisters 5 Brainys for Reece and Carmen’s story. I enjoyed the book so much that I can’t help but feel that perhaps I’ve been too generous. However, one of the things that impressed me most about this book is the fact that I can see significant growth in both the sisters’ writing and their publisher’s editing.

It was such a delight to see that growth that I crawled onto the table to give a resounding “Huzzah!” Well, perhaps I got on the table to shake my booty to some Mystical too. For some odd reason, Humbert likes the song “Shake Ya Ass.” Hmmn. But I digress into the personal and I know you are all wincing and thinking TMI now, so I shall close by saying, “Read this book! Read this series! It’s fresh and different and quite amazingly hot!”

Cover comment:

Yet another hit by Natalie Winters! Brava, dear lady!

Heat level: (Not added to final grade.)

I must admit I struggled between the 4 and the 5 flames. Then it occurred to me that the reason I struggled so was because this book was neither as far as I was concerned. Five flames would indicate something very kinky, which this book wasn’t. However, it was quite ravishingly hot and I was riveted to the sex scenes. I think that warrants a bonfire from old Lolita.

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 5

World-building, mood: 5

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 4

Final Grade:

Tags: 5 Brainys, Lolita, Reviews, Stella and Audra Price, Total e-Bound

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Hello, Dear Readers. Fanny here.

I’ve been thinking about the pattern forming on the reviews we have done so far. The majority of scores have been in the 4 brainy category, which isn’t something to be sneezed at. However, one area of the scoring system appears to be the only thing letting the authors down. Editing. World-building and characterization has gained high scores, but the small, and in some cases, big gripes on editing gain a lower score.

Maybe I expect too much?

I’ve thought about that. The answer is no. After all, though I mention comma and hyphen issues, I can read without their presence (or lack of them) irritating me too much. It’s the disregard for eliminating too much tell and repeat words/sentence structure patterns that irks me the most. I realize I spot them easily because I’m trained to, but aren’t other editors supposed to spot them too? Readers must also spot them, and although they may not know why something stands out as wrong, they still see something that isn’t quite right.

On the other hand, we have the issue of an author not agreeing to changes. I feel a publisher has the right to expect their editors and authors to follow the rules for grammar and punctuation regardless. If an author told me they didn’t want any commas before co-ordinating conjunctions when they should be there, the subject isn’t even up for discussion. If they belong there, then they’re placed there—and will stay there. If an author bemoaned the fact that I had used a lowercase S on sheriff when that sheriff wasn’t being referred to directly by name…that’s just tough. It will be changed and will stay as my change. An editor’s answer to an author refusing these changes is that the publisher requires the editor and author to follow grammatical and punctuation rules, and if you as an author don’t agree with them…there’s always the option of pulling your contract and submitting some place that isn’t bothered about such things.

BUT, the things an author can argue about and gain their own way on can sometimes backfire on them. An editor can give advice on changing certain things, like how a character’s action doesn’t seem ‘in keeping’ with that character, but an author doesn’t have to agree with that opinion or change that line. I once pointed out such a thing to an author, and the author said, “It’s my character. How can you know her better than I do?”

“Well, honey, you’ve shown me that character. She’s a demure, shy female who jumps whenever a door slams. When she suddenly thumps a man in the face with no build-up or explanation as to her personality change whatsoever, I’m not wrong in pointing out that this female just isn’t acting herself.”

It smacks of the author rushing her character arc.

Some authors don’t take kindly to this assumption and become a little irate. In fact, some get so irate as to send emails full of indignation and, basically, hot air, because if they stopped to think about it after they’d calmed down, and when they get a few reviews that point out exactly what I did…they’d have to agree I was right. At this point, as editor, I may be slammed for not fixing it. If I’m lucky, the author may get slammed for not fixing it.

So, what I’m saying really is that although some books have flaws in them that an editor should have spotted…maybe they did but the author overrode them. It happens. I try to remember this when reviewing—and admittedly, sometimes I forget, which is bad of me because I’m an editor that encounters just such resistance to change from many authors.

This leads me to divas—and in the case of male authors, divos. Are you a diva/divo? Do you balk at every single change and see it as your editor picking on you as a person? Do you feel attacked? Have you ever considered the fact that directing your anger at your editor isn’t the place it should be directed? Have you ever realized that maybe you’re actually angry at yourself for not spotting these things? That you’re embarrassed? If that’s the case, try and take these comments a different way. Perhaps adopt the “Oops! I didn’t see that. I’ll learn from the mistake now I know I’ve made it.”

Also, an author’s reaction may well be the way the editor comes across, but remember, an editor’s time is precious, and they don’t have much of it to pussy-foot around in comments so that your feelings aren’t hurt. Most times they write exactly what’s on their mind in comments. Those comments aren’t there with regards to how they hurt you but for you to know what’s wrong and fix it. If you get one that says something like, “Point-of-view switch. Needs fixing!” your editor is just telling you what’s wrong there. Going into detail like, “I don’t want to sound rude, but here you’re in Betty’s head, but the next minute you have George’s feelings and emotions, ones that Betty can’t possibly know or feel. I’m terribly sorry, and I really do like you as a person, and I’m not attacking you, but XXXXXX Press/Publishing doesn’t allow this, so would you mind awfully if I asked you to change it?”

It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid. I’m a bit of a Simon Cowell. If it needs fixing, it needs fixing. If it comes across as cheesy, I want the cheese scraped off—and so should the author. If the voice is childish, I want to help the author understand why and show them how to fix it—and the author should want to get rid of that childish voice. Above all, I want those books in the best shape they can be so that the author doesn’t get ripped up in reviews or by readers/lose readers.

Diva behavior:

1. Turning track changes off then refusing punctuation/grammar changes so the refusal of them doesn’t show up on the document. (I ALWAYS do a search and find on certain words so I can see if an author has done this. If they have, I bring up my previous edit and put them right back in. Sometimes, an author will refuse changes in this manner on every pass of the book. If this happens on more than one returned revision, I wait until I have the ‘final’ copy then apply the changes again. I would have already explained to the author why those changes were made and shown them links as to why I am correct. I will have explained that the publisher I work for expects these changes to be made, so I don’t feel bad when amending the document for the last time without consulting the author.)
2. Arguing in comments about every single change with lines like: “But it’s my style!” (No, it isn’t. It’s bad G & P.) “But I like it that way!” (I’m sure you do, but it’s incorrect.) “No other editor has picked up on this!” (Like I’m bad for spotting errors. A mean editor only doing her job….) “I feel it reads so much better with no commas.” (Yes, run-on sentences are so attractive, aren’t they?) “I spent two years writing this book, and I’m not going to allow some…some woman to tell me how it should read!” (Oh, are books full of fragments, comma splices, and plot holes the new thing, then?)
3. Using blogs and groups to complain about their editors—preferably mentioning the editor’s name—without showing examples of why certain things needed changing. Skirting over the real issue and making out your editor is dense is a must-have tool if you wish to be a real diva. Telling the world your editor is stupid and insulting him/her in a personal manner is even better. (Though an author needs somewhere to vent, doing so publicly isn’t a good idea. Who knows who reads that blog? Who knows whether another publisher has spotted it and decided right there and then that the author is a potential pain in the ass? Using this way to ‘get back’ at an editor shows an author’s unprofessionalism—in the way they adopt themselves AND the fact that they are trying to cover up, yet exposing at the same time, their position on the craft ladder.)
4. Being unable to discuss changes without arguing or being aggressive. Unable to come to any agreement whatsoever unless it is to get their own way. (Adopting a holier-than-thou persona will have editors refusing to work with you again—and don’t think that the editors at the publisher in question don’t talk. When one encounters a diva, the warning spreads and goes something like this: “Watch out you’re not asked to edit so-and-so. If you are, run!”)
5. After receiving edits and not being pleased with them, run to the owner—without even trying to discuss it with your editor first (that is a must!)—and lament how awful your editor is, how they just don’t understand you, how they want to re-write your book. (Beware! An editor will have spotted the diva-ness from emails prior to editing. The diva-alert alarm will have been sounding way before the author received their first round of edits. Much as authors may think they’re below the radar and very clever, their behavior isn’t new to us. Their editor will have already written to the owner about them. When diva-ness is first spotted, all emails between author and editor are kept as proof of the deteriorating relationship—they are by me and my colleagues, anyway.)
6. Ask for a multitude of tweaks and changes to your cover art, one at a time, preferably with each change implying that this will be the last. When the change is made, find something else that isn’t “quite right” and request a new change. A diva will keep going with those change requests until they’re completely satisfied, and then run to the head artist and tell them they don’t like their cover and they’d like someone else to try instead. When they’re given a new artist and cover and realize they really did like the first artist’s impression better, to gain the Queen of Diva crown, they ask for the original cover art back.

Non-diva behavior:

1. Instead of turning track changes off and putting their manuscript back to how it was upon submission, a professional author follows the links their editor gave them, or reads the explanation their editor spent the time to write, and tries to understand the change. If no link or explanation is given, the professional will go online or look in whatever punctuation and grammar book they use as their Bible and find out why that change was made. Once satisfied as to the reason for the change, the professional accepts that change. If the professional still doesn’t understand, he/she leaves the change in place and attaches a comment asking their editor to explain because they’d like to understand the change so they don’t repeat the mistake again in future manuscripts. The professional welcomes explanations.
2. Similar to above. The professional wants to learn, is interested in making sure his/her next manuscript is cleaner than this one, so he/she accepts that they don’t know as much as they thought they did and jumps right on into the craft pool to soak up as much information as they can.
3. The professional complains to her friends in private emails. The professional remains just that to the outside world—a professional.
4. Accepting that their work isn’t as polished as it could be, the professional strives to strike up a good working relationship with their editor when changes to their baby hurts a little. If a good relationship is established early on, an author feels they are able to chat about anything and everything regarding their book. This then helps the editor see what the author wanted to put across and enables the editor to show how it can be conveyed better.
5. The professional works with their editor until it is clear that the editor and author just do not gel or have the same vision for the final book. The professional keeps emails from the editor if any are aggressive in nature. The professional remains professional in those emails at all times, despite wanting to tell the editor to go shove their edits up their…because then, if the editor is a diva, the owner, when the author has exhausted all avenues and finally contacts him/her, will get the picture that the professional has remained professional and that the editor is possibly at fault.
6. The professional will look at their cover and list all things that aren’t right. The professional will tell the artist that they are grateful for their time and effort, but their vision isn’t quite the author’s vision, but with these changes, it will be (unless the author has been given an artist that shouldn’t be an artist). When the changes are done, the professional will either be very happy with them, or, if the professional isn’t, they will sit and have a think on whether new changes are really that necessary. If the cover has characters that closely resemble those in the book (even though they don’t look exactly as author imagined them), it’s okay. If the building on the cover isn’t exactly like the one in the book but gives the right impression, the professional will let it slide because the implication is there. If, however, the cover is just wrong, the professional will say so before asking for several changes on the original. She/he will suggest an alternative scenario—and pray the artist gets it right this time. If they don’t, the professional will have to decide if it’s worth making waves over. Does it really matter that the cover has a man whose hair is 2mm longer than the hero in the book? The professional decides that no, it isn’t worth the hassle of causing a fuss.

I’m not saying authors should roll over and keep quiet, but rather choose their fights wisely. It doesn’t take long for people to spot divas or a know-it-all. Personalities come across online, and one who sees nothing wrong with having dangling modifiers, inaccuracies, or bad grammar in their books—or, indeed, doesn’t even know what they are and just expects them to stay because “It’s my book!”—just makes them look unprofessional. Changing their byline won’t help in some cases, either, if they’re a diva who has realized being one isn’t getting them a very nice reception everywhere they go. Publishers will recognize your real name upon submission/receipt of contracts, and then the warning goes around among editors again. “You know What’s Her Face? She’s now writing as Brand New Face. RUN!”

Consider whether this profession is for you. Think about whether you’re content to ‘just write’ with no real desire to dig in to what works and what doesn’t. Decide whether you want to be a diva or a professional.

Tags: Cerebral Reviews, diva, divo, Fanny Hill, professional

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Diablo Blanco Club: Unfair Advantage

Author: Qwillia Rain

Publisher: Loose Id

Release date: 2009

Novel

Erotic BDSM romance

Buy link

Reviewed by: Fanny Hill

Author’s blurb:

Master and part owner of the Diablo Blanco Club, C. Brysson “Bryce” Halsey is used to being in control and making important decisions. When a long-time enemy threatens to destroy the family business, he turns to his best friend for help.

Mattilda “Mattie” Lawrence knows her boss (and best buddy) well. Well enough to worry if her curiosity about submission could turn his proposed “marriage of convenience” into long, steamy sessions under his Dominant hand.

After demanding a week-long trial period before saying “yes” to tying the knot, this sassy sub knows that the spankings, the toys, and the promise of a ménage aren’t the only things tempting her. It may take breaking a few of his rules to win her Master’s heart…but what’s a little flogging between friends?

Publisher’s Note: This book contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable: Anal play/intercourse, BDSM theme and content, including/not limited to spanking; ménage (m/f/m), voyeurism.

Review:

Bryce is portrayed very well throughout the book. His need for being in control is obvious, though he doesn’t come across as arrogant. In work and play, he is Master, and the fact that two people—the Makepeaces—along with the help of a despicable character named Victor, want to ruin him only adds to his desire to control that situation too. Now, I don’t blame him here. His future is at stake.

His plan to marry Mattie isn’t just for convenience. He’s had his eye on her for years, waiting for her to come to him when she was ready. However, Mattie had reservations. One, she didn’t know if her boss liked her in that way, and two, she wasn’t sure if she could embrace the lifestyle he had chosen to indulge in.

Mattie’s personality is drawn equally as well as Bryce’s. She’s read up on the BDSM lifestyle, but reading about it and being involved in it are two completely different things. Unsure as to whether she can fully commit, she accepts Bryce’s offer of him showing her what he would expect from her should she want their marriage of convenience to include the Dom/sub aspect.

With Bryce teaching her how to become submissive—and at times he has a frustrating job because Mattie is a strong woman with her own opinions and wants—Ms. Rain took me through the process, teaching me a few things along the way. She combined love into the equation—after all, Bryce and Mattie have known one another a long time and are also friends—and gave me an insight into BDSM that is, of course, present in many BDSM relationships. Respect, trust, safe words, etc.

I was delighted to find information about the characters and their pasts filtered into the main body of the story as the book progressed. No information dumps.

I thoroughly enjoyed their journey right up to its terminus (and imagined beyond that at the end), but also the sub-plot based on Bryce’s destruction. A good baddie always provides fun, annoyance, and me as a reader rooting for the main characters to overcome the nasty snakes in their lives. However:

The Gripes:

I expected more from Loose Id by way of editing due to them being one of the more prominent e-publishers. The punctuation and grammar is almost flawless, though there are:

1. Comma issues with regards to co-ordinating conjunctions having no commas before them when the clauses are not related or the introductory independent clause isn’t 4 words or less to qualify for having no comma.
2. Ugly double em dashes, but this is one of my pet hates, so I’m bound to notice.
3. A slip of not capping Southern when referring to the Southern voice. Though this only happened once and is minor, I still spotted it and gritted my teeth.

BUT! I noted some things that I’m surprised weren’t spotted by editors. I’m not going to blame Ms. Rain here, because unless she is aware she is making such slips, she cannot correct them due to being too close to the manuscript.

The issues I’m about to mention glared at me from every page. Now, I can’t say Average Reader wouldn’t notice them, because really, what is an average reader anyway? We all have different levels of understanding editorial issues and how words are used to convey a story. What one reader may not notice, another will, so, even though it is obvious this review is my opinion, I’m still going to say here that I’m basing the following on my findings and not what Mr. or Mrs. Joe may or may not notice.

First off, the overuse of sentences starting with the –ing participle. Here are some examples:

A 10 sentence patch:

“Waiting until the server had left, he kept…”

“Pushing her beyond those boundaries…”

“Turning away from the couple across the room…”

“Having grown up with Richard…”

A 6 sentence patch:

“Groaning, he pulled himself…”

“Having risen from his seat…”

“Settling his hand along…”

From one page (!!! and there are others the same):

“Something in his blue eyes and the cocky swagger…”

“Glancing at his watch, he added…”

“Pointing to his mouth, Bryce suggested…”

“Wiping at her smeared lipstick…”

“Tossing the used tissue in the trash…”

“Having been with the company…”

“Scooping up her purse and coat…”

“Pushing open the door…”

Whoa! This, in my opinion, is way too many per page. When an author doesn’t vary their sentence structure enough, the structure they have adopted not only stands out but becomes boring. The reading experience isn’t as enjoyable due to the thud-thud-thud of a repetitive sentence combination. This particular structure really stood out by page 68 to the point that with each new page, before reading it, I scanned to see if the structure’s overuse was present to steel myself. This is an utter shame, because Unfair Advantage is a darn good book ruined—for this reader!—by something that should have been spotted.

I ran a search on all words containing ‘ing’—but please bear in mind that many of these words won’t belong in the structure that I’ve spoken about. However, in 204 pages, a word containing ‘ing’ appears 4,349 times, an average of 21 per page. I opened another book of similar length to check the ‘ing’ use. 2,503, an average of 12 per page. A significant difference.

I also noticed the overuse of when. This was used 246 times, an average of 1.2 per page. That isn’t so bad, you may think, but considering that the fixes needed to remedy this overuse are easy… At times, when is used more than once on one page, and they stood out, I’m afraid.

A crutch I noticed:

“The tap at the passenger side window had Mattie…”

“The way he eased onto the sofa had Bryce…”

These, for the most part, were used instead of made/making, caused/causing, which is another crutch authors and editors would do well to weed out. These crutches can be used so often they become another sentence structure pattern that becomes tedious, as does:

“…could feel the tension in her neck…”

“…could feel the colour fill her cheeks…”

“…could feel her pussy pulse…”

“…could feel the undercurrents…”

“…could feel the smile on his lips widen…”

“…could feel the firm…”

“…could feel him draped…”

You get the picture. Could appears 272 times.

So, although Unfair Advantage is a good tale containing lots of a sex and is a journey worth taking just for a peek inside the BDSM world, and although it still managed to gain a 4 score average (due to the higher scores outside of structure, grammar, punctuation, and spelling), if it landed on my desk as it is, I would expect all my gripes addressed before publication.

I feel sad that Ms. Rain wasn’t given this opportunity, or if she was, that she didn’t take them.

Had those issues been fixed, Unfair Advantage would have received the first Orgasm score.

Cover comment:

It fits the story, though had I not known Ms. Rain’s first name, it would have been hard to make out as the font is a little difficult to read.

Heat level:  (Bonfire!) (Not added to final grade.)

Storyline/plot, characterization, and dialogue: 5

World-building, mood: 5

Overall structure, grammar, punctuation, spelling: 2

Final Grade:

Note: You may find the complete guide to the Cerebral Reviews Rating System on the FAQ page.

Tags: 4 brainys, BDSM, Cerebral Reviews, Diablo Blanco Club: Unfair Advantage, Fanny Hill, Loose Id, Qwillia Rain

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