The FAQs and nothing but the FAQs. Rather like the truth in these parts – it’s just common sense and honesty.
Deciding to Submit Your Book for Review
Authors need to weigh the facts before deciding to send us their book for review. If they do not feel their book can stand the scrutiny, we urge them not to submit. Reviewed books that were submitted to us by their author will be duly noted on the review so that the reader knows they requested the review. Should they feel angry or upset after receiving their review, that is their prerogative. However, we strongly suggest that if you are an author, you should read this page (including the commenting rules), the About page, and the Contact page thoroughly before you send us your book. Our admin doesn’t have a lot of patience for authors who cannot be gracious when they don’t like what we have to say about a book they willingly submitted.
If you don’t think you’re ready for a Cerebral Review, go to the download page and get Sharpening the Quill. Putting those lessons into practice will not only help you write a better manuscript, but will help in the editing process. In the end, you’ll have a book you won’t be afraid to submit for review.
What is a Review?
We do not do reader reviews here at CR. We are not here to provide a summary of your book in our own words. We are here to read that book and provide our readers and you, the author, with our critical view of the book – what works, what doesn’t work, where there are issues of voice, structure, grammar, and usage, plot holes, characterization, and dialog problems. Our reviews are an examination of the book in order to formulate a judgment about it and its merits based on our combined years of experience in the publishing field as editors. Yes, it is more like a critique than a summarization. But again, that is what a review is as defined below.
re⋅view:
–noun: a critical article or report, as in a periodical, on a book, play, recital, or the like; critique; evaluation.
–verb (used with object): to discuss (a book, play, etc.) in a critical review; write a critical report upon.
–verb (used without object): to write reviews; review books, movies, etc., as for a newspaper or periodical: He reviews for some small-town newspaper.
Review, criticism, imply careful examination of something, formulation of a judgment, and statement of the judgment, usually in written form. A review is a survey over a whole subject or division of it, or esp. an article making a critical reconsideration and summary of something written. A criticism is a judgment, usually in an article, either favorable or unfavorable or both.
Brainy Ratings
Zero Brainys – Did Not Finish ( DNF)
This book was so bad we couldn’t finish it, review it or anything else.
One Brainy – Very Bad
This book is awful. There are so many grammar issues we can’t even enumerate them all. Vocabulary problems. Usage problems. Spelling problems. Structural problems like run on sentences and other serious grammar issues. The plot is more than weak, it’s horrid! The heat levels in the story don’t match the heat ratings. This book fails on all fronts. Your review is as painful for you to read as your book was for us. We’ll award you One Brainy.
Two Brainys – Bad
Your book has serious issues. Maybe the plot is good, but you’re not executing it very well. Or your execution is okay, but your plot needs to be trash canned and replaced. Most books at this level need a lot more editorial work than they received prior to publication. Your publisher is rather suspect for putting out such weak fare. Your review hurts a lot. We’ll award you Two Brainys.
Three Brainys – Pretty Good
Your book isn’t great. It’s got some issues both with the structure (grammar, vocabulary, usage) and the plot. There were still elements we liked, but maybe you could use some brushing up on the basics before you churn out the next book. Your review is a little more painful than a sting. It’s definitely an ouchie so we’ll award you Three Brainys.
Four Brainys – Really Good
So your book isn’t quite the bees knees. Your grammar didn’t miss the mark, but maybe your heat needed some extra fire or your vocabulary needed more oomph and less telling. Still, you told a good, solid tale and we liked it! Your review only stings a tiny bit so we’ll award you Four Brainys.
Five Brainys – Great!
We really like your book! You’ve got a good plot. Your grasp of grammar is what we expect of a good writer. Your vocabulary and usage are dead on. Your heat makes us sweat and your sweet gives us a toothache – the good kind! If you shine on all counts, we’ll award you Five Brainys.
The Big O – WOAH!
If you blow us out of the water in every respect we’ll award you The Big O!
Heat Ratings
Sweet – A few kisses, mostly without tongue. No sex, no groping or touching – mostly just emotion.
1 Flame – A little kissin’ and huggin’. Maybe some damp panties. Sex behind closed doors.
2 Flames – Sex is romantic in nature with a sensual feel. No kink, but explicit. May contain graphic language.
3 Flames – Graphic language. Explicit sex with frequency. May contain some kink. Still romantic in nature.
4 Flames – Explicit sex with frequency. Graphic language. Definite kink. Can still be romantic and sensual, but not necessarily.
5 Flames – Sex is about as graphic as it gets and frequent. There’s kink here including BDSM and other more non-standard sexual practices. Sex is not considered romantic in nature, although it can be.
BONFIRE! WOAH! Someone call the fire department to put this out! This can be sex at any heat level really, but it’s a special rating to show that this author went above and beyond when it came to delivering sexual tension and the description of the ensuing sex. An author can write hot sex, but there are differing levels of descriptions. The author who really pulls out all the stops and uses words that show us the action and emotion of the characters who are having sex gets the bonfire.
Commenting Rules
1. Golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated with the caveat that if you’re mean and nasty and you don’t care if others treat you that way… you’ll still be deleted. We don’t do mean here. Don’t come here and say you love our review and use that as a means to cite ten nasty reasons you hate an author. We don’t play like that here. Your hateful comment will be deleted.
2. Don’t come here to defend your friends. Our reviews are what they are. They are not up for discussion. You will not change our minds. Feel free to take your defense to another forum. Flaming rows over whether we’re right or wrong isn’t what this site is about and derogatory comments of this nature will be dealt with by our admin.
3. Don’t come here and comment on your review and hold up your dozen reviews from other sites as evidence that we must be wrong. You can believe what you want. THIS is what we believe. For the purposes of our review, we don’t care what the others have said. There are lots of authors who tout wonderful reviews as evidence of a great book. We think this is wrong and it bothers us. We’ve noticed it bothers other people, other authors too, which is why we borrowed their words and have used them for this rule.
4. Don’t derail comments with discussions about things not directly pertinent to the review. Our admin is pretty smart. Off topic comments will be deleted and your IP address (not your name or email address) will be noted in case you continue in this vein and need to be banned.
5. Take the review in the spirit it was meant. We want to help authors, editors, and publishers by pointing out what’s wrong with the basics of a book. The books that get bad reviews from us are the ones that hurt our industry. We’d like to think that the people involved in creating those books will learn from our review and strive to put out a better product next time. That being said, make sure your comments are given in the same spirit that we give our reviews. You don’t need to go overboard and kiss everyone’s ass. That is wrong too. You can say something negative, but you need to do it in a professional manner. If you don’t… well, here comes that admin character again.
Also, we’d like to keep comments pertinent to the book and review. When comments start to veer from that subject into other areas, Studly, the admin may shut down those comments in order to keep them from being derailed. It is not fair to the author when the comments move away from his or her book into other areas of discussion.
Five rules that boil down to one thing only – make your comments professional in nature. Leave your emotions at home, turn on your thinking cap and your professional demeanor, and then leave a comment. The Cerebral Reviewers, their admin, and all the authors who get reviewed, will appreciate your professionalism.
Discussion Forum
Should you be interested in a Cerebral Forum for open discussions on editing and what makes a book a good book or a bad book, please send your requests to Studly at editors@cerebralreviews.com. If we receive enough interest in this, we may open one. For now, we’ve got our hands full.